I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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