Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
