I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
