tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
