i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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