i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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