Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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