Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
