I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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