I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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