You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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