OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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