I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
