It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
