we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
