can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
