just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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