Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
