$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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