chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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