god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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