Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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