i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I will pee on everything he values.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
