We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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