Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
