ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
