i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
