So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
