He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
