dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
