Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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