im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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