My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
