when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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