you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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