I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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