first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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