I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
