these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is the high leading the old right now
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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