So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
