I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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