hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
