Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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