is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just cropdusted the office
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
