one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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