I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
