Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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