I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize