I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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