No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
