How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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