i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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