a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.