I wanna passion pit in your ass
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
