Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
