He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
