Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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