Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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