I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
