Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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