oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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