The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
