you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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